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First trimester, first time mama

Today I danced. Not with my physical body but with my spirit, and my baby. Even though the 1st trimester shadow is there, like I'm experiencing it simultaneously, I still feel this joyful connection to my baby and excitement for the future. 

I'm tired, nauseous, an unlikeable meal away from throwing up. My boobs are bigger than the moon and my hips have expanded and changed the way I walk. 

Oh and the emotions! I've looked at girls recently and mourned the vibrant, energetic me of my 20s, beaming in a room, not knowing who she was or what she was meant to do, but curiously and excitedly searching the world for it and trying everything along the way. 

I see you 👁️gorgeous, you aren't too crazy, sexual, impulsive, or wild, you are just learning You in the world. You are a student, an assistant, a helper, a support person, the energy to light up peoples faces and the permission to try, to take risks and the action and effort towards your next steps in life. You are the foundation. 

Here I am, as I let you go, I say goodbye. I open the channels of motherhood. I lean into my knowing, trust and certainty. I find my ease, refinement, strength, groundedness, stability and security despite the storms that pass. You cannot rock me, I am mother. I now know what I love and what I value and I put my energy there. I prioritise it. 

The grief moves into an expansion of Love, and each evolution brings more connection to this life growing inside of me. I won't stop falling in love with you - Bump. 30 weeks and we get to catch up properly. 😘❤️I can't wait ❤️

- F.E